I am still here

Wow..so much time has past since I last blogged. Many of them not good. First and foremost, my mother passed away on July 10th, 2010 in Lafayette, Indiana. She had fallen on July 2nd. Originally they thought that she had broken her hip. It turned out to be her femur. Although I did NOT want her to, she elected to have surgery to fix it. They gave her an epidural because they felt she couldn't handle the anesthetic. Turns out she couldn't handle the epidural either. She had a heart attack and stroke in recovery and never came back. My sister called me on the fourth of July, my oldest sons birthday, to tell me she was not recovering as they had hoped. I flew out on the sixth and was there by one in the afternoon. I sat by her side the whole week. On Friday the doctor said she was failing and needed to be ventilated. My sister, the poa, looked at the doctor and said "I can't deal with this..do what Carla tells you to do," and walked away from us leaving me standing there alone. I had to decide whether or not to ventilate my mother or let her die. I decided to comply with the living will she had after the doctor explained to me that the ventilator would more than likely cause her lungs to perforate...or have a hole popped in them is a easier to understand term. That would cause them to deflate, potentially hemorrhage etc...It seemed there really was no choice to make. Twenty four hours later, my beloved Mommy was dead. I sat and held her hand for the longest time. She got so cold, so fast. I washed her body, put the lavender and chamomile lotion on that I had been massaging her with all week. Brushed her hair, washed her mouth...did everything I thought she needed. My eyes were dry while I did this..I just did not want any nurse touching my mother with impersonal hands. She was not a dead body to me..she was my mom. When they didn't want me to walk her to the morgue I lost it. It wasn't that I wanted to see her slid into a body bag and into a compartment. I just didn't want her to journey alone through the hallways of the hospital. It seemed to be the last rite of passage for her within the walls of the hospital and I didn't want her to be alone while she went. But the hospital and my own tears prevented me.

I am hoping to blog about my mom's funeral and what happened her on my "ponderings." It is something that we all must deal with...and not a day goes by that I don't think about her and if I did the right thing. It doesn't help that my sister and father ask me if "Mom was ready to die." Hopefully if I share here, it can help someone else or at the very least bring some sense of peace....

I passed the fourth grade awhile back...why do I still have homework?

So here I sit at the age of forty looking at interesting facts on North Carolina so I can get a good grade on my state project. After all, I am in the academically gifted class for the fourth grade in my school...WAIT...THAT ISN'T ME!!! I do believe that I finished that grade back in...well, let's just say it was a bit ago and leave it alone. Let's rephrase. So I am HELPING my nine year old son with his research so HE can get a good grade on his project. After all, tomorrow is Accelerated Reader night and on Fri/Sat/Sun we will be having a "marriage retreat" which will be interesting since ALL the kids are going with us. HOW can he get it all done in time? Teacher says that we can HELP our children, but the work has to be his. Ya think? I love his teacher. She has taught two other of my children God help her. This child actually DOES his work and LIKES to learn. But I still feel like I am having a flashback, but am smarter this time...Perhaps it is my advanced age, but I don't remember having to do a significant project on my state. When I start reflecting on my youth, I tend to say things like, "I remember the blizzard of '79. Our house was buried up to the top of our doorway. Mom and Dad had to take the sled and walk to get milk." I don't mean to bore my children, but as soon as the "I remember" part comes out, a glazed look enters their eyes and drool starts to pool at the corner of their lips... I only want to share my life experience. Like when I rode the Mammoth to school until my parents got rich enough to buy the Conastoga Wagon all the uptown families were buying. It was handy having the Mammoth though, because we used his tusks to rub together to start fire in the family cave. I had longer hair back then too...it was necessary since my husband needed it to drag me around by. Ahhhh the good old days. When I didn't have to do a state project and my main objective was not to be noticed by the teacher. Deep sigh..MEMOOOOORRIIIIIESSSSS, Like the WRRIIIITTTING on the WALLLLLL....I know..Don't quit my day job. Don't worry I won't. I still haven't finished the STATE PROJECT.

The things your teenagers teach you

This evening has been a very enlightening one for me. After eating dinner, which my lovely daughter prepared for us, I cleaned the kitchen while the little kids, (what I call the children under middle school) did homework.My daughter and I have a deal that when she cooks I clean. Sounded like a good deal until I realized that when I cook, I clean....and when she cooks I clean??? Hmmmm...not such a good deal After that, my husband and two teenagers (16 and 17) watched some Olympics. Michael Phelps was being interviewed about the next summer Olympics coming up in two years in London. My daughter was wondering why he was being interviewed. After all, he is known for his human fishiness, not anything involving snow.

We talked about how he won so many golds and the fact he was going to try to make the team for the London Olympics. Then she asked me this question. "I read in an article somewhere that Michael Phelps has some kind of mutation that makes him a good swimmer." I gently told her that what the article said was that IF they were going to genetically DESIGN a swimmer, it would be him because of his body ....long torso, short legs with flipper feet etc...She INSISTED that she read that his cells recover faster than other peoples which is why he can swim so many races. When I tried to convince her otherwise she would have none of it. Finally, I used my sarcastic nature, which I have an abundance of and said this.

"Yes Laney, you are right. Michael Phelps DOES have a mutation that makes him a better swimmer."

"I KNEW it..." says my darling daughter. "What is the mutation," she innocently asked.

"It isn't one that many people know about," I tell her. "If everyone knew he might be kicked out of the coming Olympics and stripped of his medals he already won."

Totally captivated she leaned forward. "What is it Mom? TELL me."

I also leaned forward and said in a low voice, "He IS a mutant. He has breathing gills. The reason no one knows is because they are hidden underneath his testicles." Then I sat back. With one look at her face I started laughing and laughing and laughing. After a moment of shocked silence in which her mouth hung open she too laughed and laughed...eventually shaking her fist at me in righteous indignation.....

Perhaps it was not the most APPROPRIATE humor to use on her, but I couldn't help myself. TOO funny....

This morning when I woke up I decided that I was going to get all the laundry done. For the entire last week I had done loads of laundry every day, but had not folded or sorted nor put away anything. As a result, there were at least four fifty gallon tubs of laundry sitting around that had been pawed through by clothes pillaging children. God forbid they put some away without being yelled at to do it. So I rose for the day, ate some toast, have a bracing glass of mellow yellow with ice, and started my adventure of folding...I thought.

On the way to the laundry room I had to pass through the travesty that was my son's room. The biggest room in the house is also the "bunk room" as we call it with a triple bunk and regular bunk in the room. It looked like a bomb went off...and I had the disturbing feeling the puppy had found a poopie spot under the bed. With a sigh, I had the boys who live in that "room" (and I use the term loosely) start to clean it. Did I mention that I use bleach with a venegance? Soon my house smelled like a Clorox factory. It was true that the puppy poo'ed under the bed..it was true that Matthew snuck strawberry pop tarts into his. Both left evidence.

My quest for laundry fullfilment? So close, yet so far away. But on the other side of things, laundry will be there tomorrow I am sure...and the next day and the next....something to look forward too...

I lost my own blog

If there is any proof that I am not computer savvy, the fact that I created my own blog, then lost it, then came back to make a new blog to only find my old one, should be enough.

So much has happened since I posted my one and only blog. We got the amended birth certificate of our son whose adoption was finalized on November 12th after a years long court battle, I have almost completed my first romance novel called "The third sister," I have had my sixteenth wedding anniversary and realized that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

There are days where I just feel so stuck in a rutt. I love being a mother. I am not the best wife in the world but it isn't because I don't love my husband. I just think that I am an a different species than him and it is difficult for me to figure him out. I also found out I will need surgery sometime in the near future. I need a hysterectomy full or partial yet to be determined. I gave birth to five children, but for me to be without a uterus will make me feel very unfeminine. Yes, I have been told a million times how stupid it is to feel that way by alot of different women. But for me the largest difference between a man and a woman is our ability to bare young. With the vessel that holds the young removed from you how feminine are you really?

I have also fallen in love with a very special young boy available for adoption in Russia. He has a genetic birth defect that makes him look very unusual but his eyes just burn right through me when I look at him. I would love to bring him home, but my husband and his military career make it difficult to do that to say the least. There are so many gorgeous "normal" looking kids available for adoption who is going to want a small little boy whose eyes bulge and has a funny looking head? I have images of this little man quietly dying with not a soul to notice or care...all because of how he looks. I asked my husband, "If a Russian orphan dies in an orphanage and no one notices, does it make a noise in the world?" Kind of a take on the "if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it does it make a noise?" I believe if the world looses this very special baby boy it most certainly will make noise. It would be the silent noise of a breaking heart....my own.

I have tons more to say, but am hoping I can find my way back to this blog later to add to it.

Smiles
Peanut

New to the blog world

Hi,
I am totally new to the world of blog and to be honest proud that I am actually blogging. My children would be proud to if and when I actually show them. Mom's have to have some things to themselves you know.

I guess the first thing I want the world to know is that I love children. I have twelve that were gifted to me by God or by adoption. Nine boys and three girls and yes I would love to have more should I ever become a rich person.

The second thing is that I am a writer and have several works out right now. Three books are out that I contributed to. The first is "Memoirs of Meaness" which is about bullying in the schools. The second is "Pets Across America-vol 2" and has pet stories. But if you read mine make sure you have a tissue. Both are available on Amazon. The third is available on Publish America website and is called "Becoming Mommy, Becoming Me." That story is one where I told why I wanted so many children. I wrote stories for those books but they are not my own exclusive books.

My first children's book comes out this January. It is called, "Furley the three toed Love Bird," and is about a bird that was born with only three toes on one foot. His story is quite cool if I say so myself and I will tell you all about it more later. I also have a romance novel that I am supposed to be finished writing by Jan1. We'll see how THAT goes!!!!

Writing has been a release for me. I write about my children of whom I have unlimitless love but at times they drive me insane. One would argue that I am insane for HAVING this many children in the first place!!!!!

I hope that I develop a following in my blog life. I hope to bring to it a part of the world that many don't see. With that tempting statement, I'll say enough for now....